Money : Organising - Part 1

Hey! Dirty! Baby I gotcha money...

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Ha Ha. I was inspired to write a blog about money more so how to save it and be money wise for a few reasons;

I honestly believe that this should be something that is taught in school along with all that great stuff we sat exams for that we don't use day to day. Nobody really encourages you to save as a child or teenager, you're not taught how to get a mortgage or the importance of keeping a good credit score. There is no education on the type of bills you will need to pay should you leave home. It is kind of a taboo subject, why? 

We all earn and spend money in some way for the majority of our lives, why is it that people are so secretive and ashamed when it comes to money?! I digress.

I have had some bad money handling moments in the past and have witnessed some of my friends really struggle to get to grips with handling their money. This is something I have only taken the time to focus on putting right for myself in the last few years. My turning point was when I was going through my paperwork when moving house and I stumbled across a plastic folder I kept all my payslips in since my first job at 17. I decided to add up my total earnings thus far… I nearly fell off my chair because when I saw the number and thought back as I couldn’t actually recall anything of great significance I had spent that much money on in my 10+ years of working life. This was one of the main things that spurred me to want to change how I spend my money. I am not the best. I am still a work in financial progress but I’m in a better place than I was 2/3 years ago financially due to a few little tweaks I have made.

I don't say this because I think everybody should save every penny they ever earn and never spend it, I just think it can be used more wisely.

I warn you now this post won’t be short and some light maths on my part are involved but it will make you think. If you are on the journey or want to start I will provide the tools I have used to become better so far. Some of the advice I will provide may not suit your needs or might be something you can adapt a little. This is from what I know from my experience and discussions I have had with friends, family and peers. I am not a trained financial adviser and i’ve not studied finance or anything of that nature. I just got fed up of not being able to treat myself to nice things and not knowing where my money was going.

Any numbers used are just random numbers I have conjured up while writing this up to give you a rough idea.

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Get Started: Step 1 - The first thing that I would advise everybody to do is take some time to get together your latest bills, a recent bank statement or if you have Internet banking you can utilise this. You should be able to check your direct debits, credit card balances and phone bill with the use of apps alone.

What you are going to do is make a spreadsheet of two columns (see example below) you can do this on excel if you have it available or on paper. Down the left hand side list everything you have to spend money on every month without fail (rent/mortgage, petrol, council tax, water, phone) then start a separate section just below it for things you can give or take include everything. I have included in mine nails, socialising, Netflix.. EVERYTHING! Now down the right hand side you will add how much each one of these things costs, be as specific and honest as possible (if you don’t know to the penny put an average, you can always update this when you get the bill).

Once that is in place add all of those numbers together (or use a formula if you are using a spreadsheet) then subtract this number from whatever your total monthly wage is, welcome to the golden number of money that is vanishing monthly. 

As long as you have added absolutely everything to your spreadsheet you can now work on using that 'spare money' more wisely by adding in a extra box for the month of what you are going to use the money for. So you can add ' Make up - £25" 'Save for Holiday - £100'. I honesty can't express in words how useful this is when you put it fully into practise, once you get used to doing it you can get more advanced with it mine is colour coded and all sorts.

Example of a spread sheet:

This alone has been one of the best tools I have shared with people, so simple but will really make you evaluate where your money is going and show you where you need to make adjustments.

You can do this for months ahead or do it each month ahead of pay day, I personally have a 12 month running spreadsheet going at all times so I know that if something comes up I can plan for it months in advance.

If you are still not sure where your money goes simply take a look at a months worth of transactions and see where you tend to be spending the most at. My banking app (lloyds) actually has a pie chart online where it divides it up for you on what type of things you are spending your money on. 

Banking and Direct Debits: Step 2 - Another thing that I do personally and always advise my friends to do if they get confused with money easily is have multiple bank accounts, for example I personally have three accounts one for bills, an ISA/savings account and my main/day to day account.

On payday all my wages are paid into one of my accounts. Before I do any other shopping, go to work or anything I transfer my total amount for bills (The top part of the spreadsheet) straight over to my bills account which is the account that all of my direct debits are attached to. Doing this means I know no matter what I do with the rest of my money all my bills are sorted and I don't carry the card for this account with me or know the pin code.

Then with the remaining money in line with the 50/30/20 rule which I will go into further I transfer a small amount into my main account which is my card I carry with me to pay for the other things from the bottom of the spreadsheet and misc purchases leaving the rest in my savings account to build up.

It is wise to contact all the companies you pay direct debits to and discuss changing it so that all of your direct debits come out on the same day or within a few days of each other. A few days after payday is best to take into account bank holidays and weekends.

The 50/30/20 Rule: So from searching the Internet for tips for money and saving I saw this ‘rule’ keep poping up which states you should divide your monthly income into these three amounts.

50% - Living costs/Essentials: Housing, Food, Transport and Utilities.

30% - Lifestyle, non essentials: Clothes, Hobbies and Socialising

20% - Financial priorities: Debts, Saving and Retirement.

Now this is a rough guide, but a guide nonetheless. It’s a good place to start when you want to look at what you should be spending your money on and if you are living outside of your means. You can always adjust the % according to your needs as with everything but it's good to have a guideline to work from.

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Extra tips:

Contactless Payments: This is something to watch out for when paying for things. When the option first came out I though it was the best invention ever, I had an apple watch at the time so I was loving life not having to get my card out or even put my pin in. However the thing with those payments is they often don’t even get subtracted or appear in ‘pending transactions’ for a good while after you have made them so if you are not careful you can end up over spending on accident because your available balance is not accurate at that moment in time. So I would advise against using this where possible if you are trying to keep a good track of your spending.

Budgeting: If you have made your plan and set yourself a budget for something for example £10 a week on food for work. Consider leaving you card at home or in the car and only keep the £10 in your purse/wallet. This will stop you from pulling out your card for ease, going shopping after work, online shopping on breaks and the change you have left for that week you can either save or carry over to the next week.

You can apply this method to a night out, shopping trip or a meal with friends. If you don't have it with you, you cant spend it.

Clearing/ staying out of Debt: If you have debts that aren't already being taken out of your wage automatically. Two great ways to get rid of them are if you have a large sum of cash you have saved contact the debt recovery agency and discuss a discounted lump sum payment, they will either take it or offer you another option for a discount which you are free to decline and then continue with your monthly payments. So rather than paying £20 per month for the next 6000 years for an old phone bill (Guilty) they can give you a discount to just clear it there and then.

Also if for instance you are paying two debts/credit cards/catalogues off at £20 each per month and you clear one, instead of adding that £20 to your spending fund add that to the one you are still paying off and that will clear that one faster. So you would then be paying the second one at £40 per month and in half the time it would have taken you before it will be cleared.

If you don’t have any debt at present avoid getting things on credit where possible including car finance, credit cards, catalogues and furniture. I used to fall victim to taking out 24 month contracts to get the latest phone then a new one comes out two months later and your stuck with an old brick. When I did the maths it actually worked better for myself for me to buy the phone outright and get a sim only deal.

Example: For the latest phone they usually want about £50 upfront, then it's around £49 per month for 24 months providing you never go over any of your allowances bring that to a total of £1226.

Buying the phone outright is usually around £500 then you can choose a PAYG option or a monthly sim-only deal which are usually available from £10 per month and you have the option to change your tariff each month if something better comes along. This may not always be best for everybody if they are not good at saving a lump sum but it is an option nonetheless.

Similar methods apply to car finance, catalogues and credit cards. It's almost always better to buy the thing you want cash that get it on credit and end up paying for it two sometimes three times over.

Credit score: Your credit score is now available for you to check for free so it's worth getting a copy up, It wasn't until I got mine up around a year ago it was bought to my attention things were on there that had been cleared or that i'd never even heard of. Log story short I had a closed bank account on there from when I was 21 that had been accumulating overdrawn charges for years so I contacted them directly via email to advise this account had been closed and I wasn't told upon closing it that anything was due out or any charges would be taken. This was wiped from my history all together and the money I had paid to clear it in the meantime refunded back to me.

If you have defaults on your account don't apply for anything you don't have to, most credit checks you will do in the future for say a car or house will only look back a year or so start now don't apply for anything pay stuff on time now. In a years time your score is going to look fabulous compared to now.

If I'm looking for insurance quotes for my car for example I use faux details so it doesn't add on to my search history on my credit score at all.

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Things you can change: If you want to make tiny changes that will effect you in the long run and prepare you for the bigger life expenditures we make like having a family and buying houses. Try implementing things like:- 

• Living a more minimalist lifestyle. 
• Being a more organised person in general; which will in turn stop you buying things you have already or that you don’t need to stock up on just yet. 
• Spend wiser by buying cheap where possible or high quality is not required. 
• If you find yourself throwing half of something away on a regular basis get it in a smaller quantity. 
• Look for alternative or multi use products. 
• Shop used/second hand. 
• Meal planning before going shopping.
• Save big purchases for when the sales are on. 
• Don't buy things you have more than enough of already.
• Sell/donate things you no longer use anymore.
• Avoiding the ‘latest fashion’ as within a few months a cheap copy will usually be available and in turn you’ll end up throwing it away sooner.
• Look for dupes/inspired by.
• Make an online wish list to share with relatives/friends of things your hoping to accumulate. This saves them wasting money on something you don't really want, stressing about what to buy you for an occasion and saves you buying it yourself. Abit unconventional but worth a go. 

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If you have made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this post and I hope that you have taken something useful away from it.

Part 2 of 2 will be about saving money.

My Cancer Experience : Part Five - After treatments and FAQs

Today March 1st 2017 marks five years since I had my last ever chemotherapy treatment..

This isn't the usual way to mark something but I use this to mark it for two reasons one because there wasn't a specific date that I was told ‘you are all clear’ as I had a lot of complications near the end of the 6 month treatment cycle due to the extensive scaring of my lungs and breathing problems I went on to have a series of scans and tests to ensure my lungs were okay after the chemotherapy had long finished and also as the last time I had that needle pumping drugs into my body it felt like more of a landmark to me because it was over.

The reason why five years is such a big landmark is at this stage the chances of it returning drop significantly. This is something that will always be in the back of my mind for the rest of my life but its a little less scary now.

I will put some tips IMO for people going through it or people who know people going through it, I'm not a Dr I'm just throwing ideas out there from my experience.

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So once all of the treatments are over and you just have to go back to see the specialist once in a while you can tell people you're ‘better’ it is very easy to begin to feel lost very fast, you go from being prodded and poked on a daily basis, being asked so many questions about how you've been living your life from your diet to the unmentionables to then go to literally nothing it can be very strange.

In my case within a few months of beginning my treatment I pretty much started to look like my ‘normal’ self again apart from my hair being shorter but my weight was back, I was going out clubbing and socialising like nothing had changed. Nobody would say to look at me that later that week I would be pumped with radioactive drugs and be looking and feeling like fresh hell. Once you start to look better people definitely don't understand and start to under estimate what is really going on because surely somebody who looks how I did at this time couldn't have been going through something so life changing. This is a classic case of not judging a book by it's cover which i'm pretty used to but I could imagine has the possibility to really upset some people.

For around 8-12 months after my treatment had officially ended I was still at a dangerously low level immunity, energy and susceptible to every cold, flu and germ going as well as my lung damage being looked into. Still having to be very careful cleaning everything all the time, limited eating options which was similar to eating like a pregnant lady no raw fish etc and not being able to eat out places (or in my case being extremely careful what I ordered off the menu and where from). Feeling quite nauseous with a motion sickness like feeling from time to time and also still dealing with a lot of mental demons/rapid changes. I wasn't able to go back to work which to most people sounds like heaven it was for the first month or so but there is only so much daytime TV and shopping one person can do before you just want to scream. The whole diagnosis, treatment and recovery process left me out of work for almost 2 years by which time I was itching to get back to normal life however I was very much restricted my job I had at the time had involved a lot of lifting, running up and down stairs and getting up very early which looking back now I probably would have done myself more harm than good had my Dr let me go back as much as I loved that job this was not something I was able to go back to even a year later. The job was far too strenuous and the damage to my lungs would mean it would take a while before I could even think about being that active again.

Some of the things I had to do whilst I was ill I shouldn't really have been doing but needs must I lived on my own so I still had to cook, clean and do my shopping as I didn't have anybody to really help me at all.

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This experience has taught me many things including what I am capable of mentally and physically as a person had you told me 6 years ago I would have gone through such a tough time and still come out the other side the person I am today I would have laughed out loud. If I can look after myself to the level I had to and remain positive through this the trivial things I may get complacent about now aren't even comparable. We all have bad days and even I forget how far I have come from time to time we all do.

Two years after my last treatment I took part in the cancer research race for life with my mum to raise money for cancer research. Two of my colleagues are doing walks/runs for cancer research if you want to donate at all.

Sarahs Page

Carly's Page

I tell every person that I discuss this with that I truly believe my positive attitude played a huge factor of me getting through one of the worlds deadliest illnesses the way I did.

I laughed, I cried, Sometimes I wanted to give up all together but I have to be grateful because so many people don’t make it and get diagnosed too late to even try. I am so lucky.

The love of my life aka my grandad died of lung cancer when I was 11 I never thought I would one day go through a similar experience as him. Its unfortunate that so many people are affected by cancer in their lifetime in one way or another. I have friends who are without parents, children, siblings and friends because of cancer my heart goes out to each and every one of them.

At times I am not entirely sure why me to be honest but It is not something that I am unappreciative of ever, I try to go forward in life knowing this is a second chance.

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Tips and advice:

Suffers and Survivors - 

• Take somebody with you to the hospital who is going to get you laughing again, we all have friends and family members for different occasions. I couldn't have go through those long hospital days without my strong mother who laughed along with me to stop us both from crying instead.
• Also prepare yourself with loads of ‘things to do’ books, colouring, a tablet, handheld console or simply a pen and paper.
• It’s scary and it might feel like you're the only person in the world going through it but don’t push your loved ones away because they don't totally understand, they are not hurting the same but they most likely are in their own way.
• If you have the money to look online (amazon,ebay etc) or go to a local beauty supply store and look for lace front or full lace wigs. The NHS wigs are free and will do but they are synthetic hair and bulky. There are various videos on YouTube about making wig look natural, reviews of suppliers and how to style them. They range anything from about £40+ depending on what you want.
• Speak to or visit the site for Macmillan cancer support they are honestly so helpful, knowledgeable, have so much literature and advice that they can offer you and your loved ones with.

Friends and family: 

• If ever there is a time to just do the most random stuff with the person going through this, the time is now. Depending on how they are feeling go out to do activities, have a movie night/sleep over, take a mini breakaway. Most importantly have a conversation. 
• When they are in this bubble of not able to be ‘normal’ it is so easy for people to shut each other out and avoid talking this is not the best way for all.
• Let the person know that you are there for them, with all of the things that come along with having cancer they may not want to be a burden or ask.
• Don’t treat them like they are dying.
• Macmillan and the hospital counsellors are there for you aswell not just the person affected by the cancer definitely take a look what they have to offer if not for yourself for the person who is ill and may not be able to look into these things themselves.

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If anybody has any questions at all, I’m always happy to share my experience or help anybody if I can. Email me at: yellauxbusiness@gmail.com or if you have me on any social media feel free to message me. Never think that it is something I wouldn't want to help with or talk about, If my experience can help anybody I am more than happy to discuss.

I’m also so very grateful for anybody who has taken their time out to read any or all of this series. I know everything is video based these days but I’m not confident enough and my accent is not the best for me to be doing all that but thank you, spread the knowledge and I pray this is not something any of you or your loved ones have to ever go through.

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Links to the other parts of this series:

Part One : Discovering a problem

Part Two: Finding out and telling others 

Part Three: Treatments and scans
Part Four: Chemotherapy and side effects.

Macmillan's website

Information in this post is of my personal experience and may differ from other cases.

Letter To My Ex..

This post is inspired by a video I saw by ShanBoody, where she did a verbal letter to 4 exes.

This isn't a 'letter' to slam anybody's character or discredit anybody.

Just a brief address to a couple of exes in no particular order and no names. I guess if they were to ever read it they may realise it's about them buy I don't feel that would be an issue as I'm not about to slander anybody. Just thought I would give it a try.. bants.

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Dear Ex.. Our relationship grew from a friendship, I believe that we both knew at that time without even saying so that we surely can't just be friends our vibe is not the same as others. Our level of love for each other was something that even our friends could see was undeniable because they were a driving force setting us up to be in places, rooms, events & conversations together.

Through over a decade of knowing each other not necessarily always speaking frequently you have always been a person I know in my heart although I have never tested it that I could count on no matter what be that giving me advise, talking about cars or if I was stranded in the middle of nowhere and needed help. I truly believe if it wasn't for an ex-girlfriend intervening day in and day out and rumours of me being interested in somebody what we had could have been amazing.

To be totally honest I am not sure why we never really discussed why it went the way it did, we still remained quite close friends for so long afterwards.

Anybody that knows you knows that you are an amazing talented special soul. I have been sad to learn of the way people have taken advantage of that. You have/will always hold a special place in my heart because of who you are and because you are 100% the one that got away. I will always support you, want to know you and pop up on WhatsApp just to say hey because I care, I have always and will always care.

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Dear Ex.. This is not the first time I have written you a letter, just a different type. Throughout high school you were the best friend I had. I have never met anybody else that I could literally talk to for 7 hours a day on the phone, 7 days a week after spending every available moment with till this day. Never in a million years did I think the person I was best friends with most of my life would turn into a relationship years down the line out of the blue.

I cannot fault our relationship at that time in any way whatsoever. You always treated me with love, respect, admiration and most of all with the appreciation that I was the best friend you had had for all these years not somebody new. Even our break up was fine which is probably why we are still able to be friends.

Over 15 years on, time spent away and only one argument ever I wonder had that one choice have been different where the friendship or relationship would have lead. I respect the love you have for your children and the honesty we have no matter the time, place or subject.

You will always be my homie no matter who is around and I will always be here for you whether you are up or down.

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Dear Ex.. I wish you nothing but happiness, good health and prosperity :)

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That was actually quite therapeutic to do, no drafting up an idea just writing away like a proper letter. 

My Cancer Experience : Part Four - Chemotheraphy and symptoms

Growing up my top three biggest fears were losing my hair, not having children and of course losing loved ones.

Unfortunately two out of three of these were things that I would have to face like it or not during this battle.

graphic topics labeled with*

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Infertility: 

If you know me outside of work/the internet/clubs you will know I love all of the kids in my family, of my friends dearly and my long term goal has always been to become a primary school teacher. I have always wanted children of my own and still do hopefully one day. 

Of all of the things that ran through my mind when I find out I had cancer I wasn't even aware that fertility could be affected by cancer treatments whatsoever it just isn't something that you associate with it or hear much about. So you can imagine when I was told that this is a possibility I was heart broken to say the least. At the time I found out the severity of this I was in a room with this Dr and my mum as if this big bomb shell wasn't just dropped on me the Dr then immediately proceeded to discuss things like freezing eggs and the process. 

I was extremely overwhelmed by all the information I wasn't expecting to be getting on this day and very upset however I instantly had a new found respect for anybody who goes through IVF as it is not an easy process at all. It is not as simple as having the money and all that designer baby stuff that we are lead to believe. Amongst other things you have to inject yourself daily, record all these things about your body in detail, to have the egg fertilised on the NHS they have all these criteria you and your partner have to meet you would honesty think you were adopting not using your own eggs.

I was sure this was not something that I would be willing to put myself through right now to have the eggs taken when I was still mentally preparing myself for the start of the chemotherapy so opted to pass. What will be will be, if I am supposed to have children I will if not I will love my god babies, nieces and nephews like they are my own and look into adoption possibly.

I will say that this is something that years on every day still haunts my thoughts. My goals in life have never really been heavily about earning loads of money, having possessions or travelling. I just always wanted to work, own a home and be a good wife and mother.

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Hair loss: 

If you speak to most people these days and mention something like a hair dresser cutting more that a millimetre of their hair off you can literally see them cringe right in front of you, nobody wants to lose any hair no matter how much you have. I have always had very long hair since I was a small child always down to the bottom of my back at least and i’d never been one to do anything drastic to it; When I was about 18 I dyed it pink underneath but thats as wild as I got.

When I found out I had cancer I immediately though I'm going to be sick looking and bald. I wasn't ready for this and the thought of having to wear a wig honestly conjured up all kinds of visions in my mind. Although I am no stranger to things of that nature due to being in a black family which is predominantly women and I had previously used partial weaves, clip ins and glued in some tracks but this had always been an optional extra and I was free to take them out at my will and still have hair.

To most people who knew me at this time and to my own surprise this part was something I came around to the idea of quite quickly and pretty much just thought if this is whats happening there is no point trying to fight it. Around two weeks after my first treatment I went to a local barbers a few streets away and got a section of my hair shaved off of the side (Cassie Ventura style) The guy in there was not trying to do it for me whatsoever, I didn't tell him why I was doing it I just said ‘Look, i’ve come here on my own. I haven't bought anybody for moral support this is my decision and I want it off’ eventually and very skeptically he did it (I will attach some pictures below) the next day I had to attend my Aunts wedding in huddersfield and i’m sure my my family who at this point didn't know anything about me being ill must have thought I was totally crazy. 

The first time I noticed a big change wasn't a good experience at all as I rinsed my hair one day which I opted to wash over a bath incase of such occurrence I literally just saw so much of my hair flowing down the bath with the flow of the water. I burst into tears wet hair and all and honestly just sobbed till my hair was nearly dry. I lived on my own at the time and didn't really have anybody to call who I believed would support me. I eventually just went to bed and avoided the mirror at all costs for a few days because I didn't know what to expect.

As my treatments went on I would be so anxious to brush my remaining hair and even waking up every morning I expected to see my whole hair on the pillow next to me, this never happened. It just shed and broke off way more than normal.. after around three months I ended up with really thin hair at the bottom just above shoulder length and it pretty much stayed this way for the rest of my treatment time so I was never bald. It took my hair about a year to grow back, thick and not breaking off and now almost 5 years on my hair is longer than it was before I was ill and in better condition as all the years of my my mum relaxing it and me straightening had long gone.

The hospital do offer a wig fitting service they give you a free wig if you want one and they will even cut it for you, but the options are not the best and for some reason the woman decided a nice Rihanna red would suit me, which I was thankful for but also glad I didn't have to use. Me and my mum did take a nice little day trip to the local “black hair shop” aka beauty supply shops one of the days we had a laugh trying on all kinds of wigs and giving our best Tina turner impressions which I will say lifted my spirits and made me feel slightly better about what options were available to me.

They do also have the option at the hospital to have a ‘cold cap’, this is a gel filled cap you wear during and for a while after your treatment and it is said to reduce the amount of the chemotherapy that reaches your hair follicles. I didn't try this as I had already accepted my fate with my hair. If it works is very much on a case by case basis i've not met anybody who has used one so can't say first hand if this is a good option.

As well as losing your hair on your head you can also potentially lose hair on your entire body head to toe… yes everywhere. In some cases people are said to have different hair colour and/or texture grow back.

Here are some pictures of my hair journey at this time: 

Picture one: is when I shaved half and you can see some of my actual hair at the time.

Picture two: my hair 6 months after and 2 years after last treatment

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Chemotherapy treatment*:

I myself was on a trial treatment call ABVD (Adriamycin, Blemycin, Vinblastine, Dacarbazine) minus the B as I had a high presence of cancer in my lungs which the Blemycin could have reacted badly, as a side effect of this is lung damage which the Dr’s felt they did not want to chance as I would already have a chance of this anyway.

Other side affects may also include: Nausea, Vomiting, Low blood count, Allergic reactions, Neuropathy & Infertility.

At the hospital dependant on your state you either sit in a chair or stay in a hospital bed if your are unable to walk/sit etc. Some people have a permanent line put in their vein usually in the chest area or just a standard cannula which is that thing they put in your vein on the back of your hand and put the big sticker over it to keep it still. You may have seen on TV or had one where they can attach a bag and pump things in to your blood stream. As my treatment was bi-weekly I didn't need a line put in so they would give me a fresh cannula every time I went. This sometimes leaves you with a bit of a bruise for a day or two and on one occasion I had a student nurse spray my blood like a horror movie around the cubicle.

They then hook you up to the machine and you literally get pumped with the various drugs one by one, some are just in a small tube that they combine with the fluids, some have to be protected from day light and some make your urine pink. It’s all quite strange feeling and experiencing but interesting, unfortunately I was not allowed to have anybody sat with me whilst I had this I believe due to the radiation so my mum would disappear for a few hours and come back for me later.

I soon learnt to take a big bag of stuff to do iPad, BlackBerry etc and the nurses kept me tea fuelled. 

The whole process takes a 2-3 hours all together then in my case free to go about the rest of my day I just had to be mindful that I may start to feel nauseous and weak so would often just go home to relax.

There are some strange side affects you get while having the treatments; mine was mainly the feeling of instantly being itchy over you whole body and some of the drugs were very cold when they go through your body. Also TMI** one makes your urine pink.

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Hospital trips:

During my diagnosis, treatment and after care I spent a lot of time at three different hospitals the furthest being around 15 miles away, Approximately 30-40 visits in a 6 month period. Once all of this is over I then had to attend every bi-monthly for blood checks, to be weighed and to check my general health after a year this is reduced to every 4-6 months now 5 years on I have an annual check.

So the hospital appointments don't just stop at your last treatment.

Only one of the hospitals gave us a discount for parking which as you can imagine visiting that often never for short periods of time we ended up spending a lot on over priced parking.

The staff at Wolverhampton hospital I cannot fault one bit they made such a bad time for both me and my mum easier, always willing to help and spoke to me like I was an adult and with empathy. Whereas the hospital I was diagnosed at it was quite a hellish experience I was often stuck in rooms with 5 or very elderly very sick patients who kept me up all night and not being kept informed at all of what was going on until my mum turned up and they would tell her the information.

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Nausea:

For a few days after each course of the treatment you can experience severe nausea and vomiting as a side affect of the drugs. I only experienced nausea on a few occasions very lightly.

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Eating/Diet: 

If you do suffer from nausea you are advised to eat things such as baby food.. because it has a decent amount of nutrition without having any strong harsh flavour for your stomach or to come back up.

As I was a stone and a half under my original weight if I could eat it is best to eat higher calorie foods to try to gain weight so cheese on everything, all the foods you would normally eat in small doses are a go to gain the weight back which along with the steroids to help the chemotherapy didn't take long to return at all.

The only other things about the diet you have to avoid is things like blue cheese and raw food due to your white blood cells being low and being prone to illness easier.

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Links to the other parts of this series:

Part One : Discovering a problem

Part Two: Finding out and telling others 
Part Three: Treatments and Scans.

information in this post is of my personal experience and may differ from other cases.

My Cancer Experience : Part Two - Finding Out & Telling Others

If you know me separate to stumbling across my blog you may know that I went through a battle with cancer a few years ago. This was initially my motivation for starting my blog to give people going through it, friends and family of those going through it or those who have been through it some information and an insight.

I did do an initial post talking about how I discovered something was wrong with me, which you can find here.

This post will be about my experiences telling other people and how other people treated me.

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Disclaimer: This is in no way me pointing fingers at people in a malicious way. I just want to highlight to you all that this can happen to any of us or any of our loved ones I was only 23. I want to bring to light how I personally felt and how it could be handled differently by myself and others.

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Finding out myself:

After taking myself to hospital (as per my last post) going through the process of people of having blood tests, CT scans etc over the course of 24 hours. I was stuck in the hospital alone as the hospital I was in didn't have the best visiting hours.

I have this issue I come across often in life where because I look very young for my age people tent to not divulge any information to me directly and wait for my Mum to arrive or somebody that looks older than me. Which when it comes to something like this is very out of order. It's my body and my life any information you have should be given to me directly what if I didn't have a mother or friends to pop in and pass on the message to me.

Anyway I digress.. So randomly in the middle of the day a Dr pulled up to my bedside with 4 student nurses like 'Is it okay if these student nurses sit in while I have a chat with you' at this point I had no idea what was up with me so I agreed. In very little words he basically told me, we believe at this point you have Hodgkin's Lymphoma and will be looking into this further. 

Now I am not a nurse or doctor and this is not something that they teach you in science GCSE so as they all gawped at me waiting for some sort a reaction I was like 'okay' and they shortly left.

I obviously jumped straight on to my phone and googled it.. bad idea! I was instantly bombarded with CANCER & DEATH. In hindsight now my next step was not the best.. but I panicked. I phoned my mum and I literally only said 'Mum. I think I'm going to die.. I have cancer' and burst into tears for the first time. Looking back now I can only imagine my poor mother's whole heart probably sunk into her stomach and smashed into a million pieces on hearing this from her only child but honestly based on the little information I had this was what I was thinking. The Dr had just delivered this life changing information to me so lightly with no loved ones around, student nurses looking at me blankly and didn't provide any further information or 'dumb it down' for me at all.

My mum instantly asked me what was said and ended the call to look into it further. To this day I've never asked her what happened after she hung up I was not in a good place myself at that point. Stuck in a curtained off hospital bed on my own with nobody around me having googled what was wrong with me and assuming the worst.

There was no more visiting hours on the ward after this point so I was left to ponder this information over night. After crying myself to sleep numerous times during the evening I had the joy of being stuck in a ward with five other women screaming and moaning in various pains throughout the night.

The very next day my lovely 5ft0 mother steamed down to the hospital to see me and demand more information. At this point all we knew was it was cancer and it was of the blood.

Eventually after having further tests, heated conversations and scans we got the information that is was stage two Hodgkin's throughout my body most around my lungs (which is why I now have slight lung damage and get chest pains if I do too much) 

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Sharing the news & people finding out:

I personally didn't tell many people face to face I just put it out on my facebook as a short status that this is what is happening to me at the moment and If people can understand why I may not be my normal happy self that would be great. Initially as you can imagine I was inundated with lovely messages and offers of help should they be required.

Finding out what was wrong with me and having an idea of what was to come I decided to hand in my notice at work as I didn't really want to get into the nitty gritty of it with work people who didn't really care for me. So I immediately left work I had not long left my mother's home and got my own place in which I was in a 12 month tenancy for my landlord literally was no help at all and refused to let me out of the tenancy even knowing my illness. So I was stuck with the apartment and no job to pay for it, with the looming idea of going through cancer treatment ahead.

I'll be honest with you not one single person offered to help me, offered me a sofa or a spare room.. but hey. I have been through many bad things in my life and have had to get through it with little or no help so tbh I just got on with it and thought I'll cross that proverbial bridge should I get to it.

During the whole time I was ill and having treatment I would say I lost 95% of my 'close' friends. I'm not sure if they detached themselves because they were scared, because the didn't want to deal with or didn't know how to approach the situation.

Some friends even assumed I would lose my hair and be so ill I wouldn't fit the aesthetic to be seen out with me. People stopped communicating with me and even got upset with me if I wasn't up to attending social events.

I literally had a friend fall out with me because I said 'I might not be able to come out for your birthday night out I will have to see how I feel nearer the day as Chemotherapy can throw me about abit' her response to this was 'You use cancer as an excuse for everything your selfish' True story. Let's just say I am no longer friends with the person to this day for this and many other reasons.

People who I used to spend many days of the week with suddenly lost my number. It showed me that at a time like this you really see who is there 100%.. In my case not many unfortunately.

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Dear Friends and Family:

If one of your loved ones has the misfortune of going through this tough experience (which I hope they never do) I honestly urge you to be there for them in any way you can, because it is something that I would never want anybody else to go through. 

Having not one sole person to turn to when going through this was the hardest part of my experience. If you never put in any effort before or ever again this is the time; make them feel loved, offer positive words, provide them with your company, keep them distracted from what is going on even for a moment. 

Cancer treatment for me and others I have spoken to about it is a very lonely time and the little bit of help I did receive during this time is remembered. 
( I will go into this further next post)


We ( i am guilty too) put so much time in to showing out for social media, taking selfies, working our asses off and even being bored. 

Karma is in your control too, if god forbid you were to take ill:
How many people would legit be there for you? How many people owe you one? 

Before this happened to me I would have sworn up and down everyone would have had my back. Incorrect!

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Thank you in particular to my friends Brina, Faye & Stella who had sleep overs with me, got me out the house & brought me a greggs cakes in the morning etc. Never unappreciated. 

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If you are from the UK and you are dealing with or know somebody who is dealing with the affects of cancer. I urge you to get in contact with Macmillan cancer trust. They honest offered me so much help and support. More than I could have ever imagined.

(I have not been sponsored or asked to say this,  this is from my own experience. I don't have that much influence lol)

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Kylie Jenner x Matte lip kits

As you may already know by now I have a thing for Lip sticks/liners/glosses etc

So it only made sense that I attempt to get my hands on some of the infamous 

'Kylie Cosmetics : Matte Lip kits'

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The first time I tried to order from the site I ended up ordering two of the same colour separately and incurred two lots of custom fee's. Not happy at all.

I received my two lots of 'True brown K' and when they came I really didn't love the colour next to my skin tone so didn't even try them on especially not enough to pay two lots of customs fees.

So I gave up on them and carried on with life. As I do follow Kylie on Instagram I was aware of all the different shades coming out and saw many swatches and youtube beauty 'guru's wearing them in tutorials. I eventually caved one night and was surprise how easy I found the process this time around.

I got myself five colours: 

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Here is a look at them individually including what you get in the box:

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Posie K & Dolce K are my favourite thus far. I have worn Dolce K abit more as it is close to my daily colours I wear at work. They go matte real fast and are very pigmented. Honestly, one application and I still have it on when I go to bed.

God forbid I do have my micellar water with me it would still be on when I woke up.

The brush is just the right size and shape, i despise those weird eye shaped brushes you get in some lip products these brushes are great for drawing on your lip shape with ease.

The colours are true to how they look in the tube but not true to the colour on the box. 

They cost $29 each + $14.95 shopping & £13-17 custom fee per box, I'll let you do the maths because I don't want to think of how much i've spent then it never really happened lol

Below are the tubes all next to each other to show that they aren't all the same colour as some people are stating.

(l-r: Koko, Dolce, Candy, Posie & Kourt)

I've also got some of the glosses but I will post about these separately.

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(prices and details correct at time of publishing. This is not a sponsored post)